For those of you whose emails I don't have I figured I would share this on here for you.

Love you all,
Quentin

A love unearned

Who is to blame and what am I supposed to do now... I don't want to hear anymore lies spilled forth from these lips.... the truth is sweeter but hard to share sometimes and it seems to be easier to lie than to tell the truth and I just don't want to ache anymore inside when I try to breath and feel like there is no air there. For me the stairs disappeared and I walked on falling into darkness and still spiraling down. I have fallen into God's arms and yet in my human body I feel like I am still falling and am trying to have faith and show my faith by not cringing and fearing the impact that I know is going to tear me in half if I really hit. God save me... I need you. I can't do this alone. I feel the falling slow and a soft landing and yet I'm still terrified. He actually answered and caught me and now I can't even dare to look up because I'm ashamed and afraid to see that He is mad at me or disapproving of me and my frailties and how I as a man have hurt one of his beautiful creatures in the form of a woman. I sigh and finally look up to find his face filled with sorrow and compassion and I just start crying unable to hold them in anymore. I look up into His face and just weep and I hear Him call to me come to me. I reach out as my eyes squeeze shut again and I feel arms wrapping around and embracing me and I finally just let it go. Hatred for myself, Anger with my inadequacies, Despising myself for the fact that I have hurt her, Distrust for my own lips... how could they speak such lies? Contempt for my hands... how could they cause such pain? Wonder at my heart... how and when did I let it get so hard? Love for my savior that He forgives all and stands there waiting for me to simply unlock all the deadbolts that have appeared over time and pry the old door open and let him in again. A savior I didn't deserve with a love I cannot earn who cares about me and my life enough to die for me alone. How great though art. Truly not until now did that sentence ever make sense to me, never before was the truth of that line from the song so apparently clear. I feel the shackles breaking free and step forth from my own prison. I walk forth humbly taking a minute to look around and judge my surroundings when I see her there. Sitting but a few paces away still knelt down as her lips move in silent prayer for me. My eyes fill with tears as I slowly approach her and stand just watching her until she feels my presence and turns with a smile looking into my eyes. She stands up and walking into my arms wraps her arms around me tightly and hugs me close as her hand holds the back of my neck and she kisses me on my cheeks softly kissing my tears away. She sees my look and the corners of her mouth twist slightly into the smile she has for me and me alone. In explanation she simply tells me: “As long as I love you with all that I have... I will always stand by you.” And thus once more my tears fall freely as I take her hand and walk forth into the sunlight and the presence of my God.

Heal Me Now

I see these people
Walking past me
Paying no attention to me
I try to get them to stop
To realize that the path
They are taking
Only ends in death
“No! There is something better”
I yell at them
I wave at them
And try to get their attention
But they pay no attention
And walk on
Towards the jaws
Of the serpent
Death and Hell
Are in his eyes
I see the hate
That feeds him
As it flows
Through this world
In
On
And around me
The life is being slowly drained from me
I feel it flow away
Like the paint being chipped
Slowly away
By the sands of time
But now I feel no more pain
No more hate
No more…
I look up
And see Him
Forming a barrier
Between me
And the world
That drains life from me
He hangs there
Half dead
Nailed to this cross
The nails that hold Him
Are ones that I nailed
Into his wrists
I pounded them in
“I hate you!” I yelled
With every swing
“I love you!” he replied
Each time I swung
He said it again
Until at last
I could not see
Through the tears
To swing another stroke
I dropped the hammer
And fell to my knees
Forgive me I plead
Father I repent of my evil deeds
Cleanse me
And heal me
As I stay on my knees

Photography and Me

So I started to try to post a bunch of pictures on here... but for some reason it doesn't like me.
I'm blaming it completely on the website.

Soooooo
I thought I would post the link to where I put my pictures online and a place where I can sell them as well as show them off.


http://blue-eyed-wolf.deviantart.com/

Hope you Enjoy,
Quentin

I am a Guardian

Who am I?
No reflection to be seen
The mirrors create a void of the place that I stand
The pools of water show merely the sky’s reflection with nothing in between
I walk through people just to feel the brushing of passing
Even if it is only as the breeze would feel to a mortal
I do not claim to be a philosopher
But my time to serve is here
And I have nought to do but think as I work
So my thoughts have turned inward as I examine and wonder
What is my purpose.
I reach out to the young woman about to step into the street
And gently pull back on her shoulder causing a moment of pain and she stops
The car hurtling through the red light crosses through the space she would have occupied had I not stopped her.
I can interact with them but only at certain times and in certain ways.
So I am here
I do my job
Wandering these streets like any mortal
Save they go home and sleep
But I never sleep
I just keep walking all night
Watching and keeping guard.
There are people with good hearts
And those with bad hearts.
Neither of them ever see me
Though occasionally the good ones feel my presence and smile slightly
Knowing that they are safe
Knowing that Dad still has aegis over them.
They walk on their way never saying a word for the most part.
But I see the rare ones that take their fingers and kiss them then raise them to the sky.
He likes that.
Dad does.
He likes to see His children that know and acknowledge Him.
A little girl runs to catch up with her mother
As a man with an evil heart watches and follows
I step into his path and extend my foot
Watching as he trips and falls headlong breaking his nose.
I don’t feel sorry for him
I am just glad to get his attention away from the little girl.
I follow the little girl to make sure she found her mother.
Seeing her scooped up in her mother’s arms I know she is safe and walk on smiling.
I walk into the street and wince slightly as a large truck passes through me.
I don’t think I will ever get used to that feeling.
I walk on wanting to reach the blind man waiting in the middle with just his cane as his guide.
I step up beside him and he turns his head toward me and nods
I know that he cannot see but it still makes me hesitate.
He merely smiles and nods again then looks toward the sky and mouths “Thank you Dad.”
He may be blind but he knows that I’m there to keep him safe
Perhaps it is really true what they say that being blind heightens all other senses
Perhaps even extending into the spiritual realm.
I walk across the street with him and see him on a ways
To the store he was headed towards
A library for the blind
As he enters the store I start to walk off but before I get out of earshot I hear “Thank you.”
So sometimes someone notices.
It makes a difference
And it makes me feel like my purpose is worthwhile.
That’s a good feeling.
I might be one of Dad’s firstborn
But they are His favorite children.
These, all of these who wander the face of this planet,
They are His favorite because He gave them free choice.
I walk on slowly feeling the light breeze in a way these around me cannot
I feel the whispers of love and hope and life flowing to and fro in a song to Dad
The trees sway and the grass rustles in their small dances to honor Him.
I know things and see things different than these around me
Yet I love them
Maybe because they give me purpose
But it might also be that they are Dad’s children
And so they feel like siblings regardless of Dad’s favoritism.
I step up and push a woman lightly causing her to have to walk quickly to keep from losing her balance.
She looks back to see who pushed her and stares in shock at the spot she’d been standing in seconds before where a window air conditioning unit is smoking and broken into pieces having fallen from a 4th story window.
She unlike some just shrugs and turns to keep walking.
A moment of sadness shadows my heart
Knowing that she doesn’t understand why or even know what happened.
Maybe one day she will understand.
I continue my day as darkness descends and the crowds lessen.
I keep watch for with darkness a different crowd comes out of their hiding places.
I watch a woman in her twenties who by all human standards would be quite attractive and see the men turn to watch her pass and make crude comments about the length of her skirt.
I know her heart, I can feel it from here.
She wanted to get her husband’s attention and thought by wearing a short skirt she might have a chance but he hadn’t even made their meeting, and now she was forced to walk home alone in something she didn’t feel safe in out here.
She had men’s attention but they weren’t the ones she wanted
I saw a few of them step away from the wall and start to follow at a distance
Catcalls and wolf whistles echoing down the narrow street she’d chosen.
I fell into step behind her and watched them over my shoulder, they were hanging back talking about when to make their move.
As she rounded a corner I followed her and saw that no one was on the street but there was an empty dark doorway.
I took off my cloak and tucked it into my belt, letting my wings unfold I stepped up closer and as we reached the doorway I wrapped my arms and wings around her and pulled her into the doorway.
She did not scream, just gasped lightly as she looked up into my eyes and realized what enfolded her was a pair of wings.
I do not know how it happened, but she saw me and suddenly everything became clear
They walked around the corner and when they saw an empty street they cursed and ran to the next corner hoping she was merely hiding.
They were unable to see us and as they ran past the corner and kept going she laid her head against my chest and sighed “thank you”
“Just doing my job” I replied with a wink and a light chuckle
Folding my wings and replacing my cloak I took her hand in mine and walked her home.
She looked at me from time to time to see if I was really real
And I just chuckled every time
Knowing she wouldn’t believe her own thoughts in the morning.
As I wished her goodbye at her steps she looked at me and asked the question I knew had been bugging her all night.
What is your “Job”? she asked hesitantly.
I took her hand in mine and bringing it to my lips I kissed it softly and bowed as I said with a soft smile “Well my dear, I am a Guardian.”
I turned then and walked away, feeling myself become ethereal
Leaving her with a lip print on her hand
And questions in her heart.

Eden - Walking With God

Eden. Adam and Eve walked with God and talked with Him. For this you and I were made and this we must recover.

How do we recover and walk on the path with God and truly learn to hold his hand in the best and the worst times? For those of you that have seen Tin man from the SciFi channel, it reminds me of our walk with God sometimes. There was a scene from one of the episodes where the sisters find the wicked old witch and the older sister keeps telling her younger sister “Just hold onto my hand” “Just keep hold to me” “She can’t touch us as long as we’re together” “She can’t hurt you” “Just trust me” all these things and more were said from the older sister to the younger. God does the same with us. “Just hold on to me, just stay with me, He cannot harm you, keep hold to my hand and trust me.” How often do we give up our hold on God’s hand and simply let fear drive us away from Him when really it should be what pushes us to him more than anything else. God will not force us to hold his hand nor to walk with him… and yet His hand is always there, perhaps invisible but waiting right in front of us for us to reach out and reach up and take hold of it and pull ourselves back to our feet. DC Talk wrote a song which said “What if I stumble and what if I fall, what if I make fools of us all” I realized something when thinking about that song. We are human and frail and long for acceptance and so we are afraid of making fools of ourselves or making fools of the christian faith. It at times amuses me simply to think of and study on that thought. Some people would think that we are afraid of making a fool of God. God is holy, and his glory is what created our world. I do not think that He did created us for us to bring Him glory, He created us out of the glory that is in and is Him. We worry about something like making a fool of God when I believe He is standing there reaching down and pleading with us: “I’m not worried about you making a fool of yourself or making a fool of Me, Take my hand so I can save your soul and have you live beside me for Eternity.”

How can we turn away from that call and that pleading for our souls and our lives… He doesn’t simply want us to find and turn to Him the day before we die but he calls for us asking and wanting us to live a life that he really wants to. A life full of joy and happiness and fulfillment of the gifts that we were given by Him. If we will come to Him and find Him and walk with Him, He will guide us and teach us to live our lives in and through His power. He can reveal to us our dreams and show and guide us how to achieve them and create them through His grace and power. By Grace we are saved and through Grace we can truly live through his power and strength. Bless and thank God for holding tight to us and keeping us in His arms

We have to jettison ourselves through the fear… like an astronaut having to fix the shuttle we have to break through the fear and float free through space and trust that we will be ok and that He is holding us in His hand able to keep us safe and secure in His grace and glory. We need to build our foundations so we can trust them to be pillars and support us when we need to trust unto them. Like rappelling we need to know that the thing on top of the cliff that we are tying off too and trusting to will hold up and not break once our weight or the pressure of us falling is placed upon it. Once our foundations are built and strong we need to increase our strength in our faith and in believing that we can do anything through the strength of God and Christ who has saved our souls. For through Him we can do anything, even unto taking dominion over all the world and bringing it into His Kingdom.

Trails of thought:

What do we dream of and how can we make sure that our dreams line up with God’s word and what steps do we need to take to make sure that they work and get off the ground and not just fall to the carpet.

The fight for your life is a battle for your Joy… Satan tries and often succeeds in stealing our joy away from us, for when we are not joyful we often do not worship and do not grow closer with him because without joy we often do not seek intimacy and connection either with our family, spouse or God.

How often do women when they are married find or decide that they are not going to get any real intimacy from their husbands so they give themselves off to soap operas or romance novels and lust and long for the feelings described in the words of the writer. What as men can we do to keep our wives from ever falling into that?